How to Handle Stressful People on Your Wedding Day

Let’s face it. Being around family can be stressful. Especially if we have family hurt or trauma in our past. But just because you have difficult people in your life doesn’t mean you have to deal with that drama on your wedding day. This day is about you and your spouse. Not about them. So, here’s how to handle stressful people on your wedding day.

I have had front row seats to some of the most emotional, stressful, and anxiety ridden moments of a wedding day. I have witnessed over 200 weddings and I have seen the best and worst of people. People’s true character comes out at events like a wedding or a funeral. So, let’s get to the nitty gritty of how you can deal with difficult people on your wedding day.

Communicate your anxiety with your vendors (especially planners, photographers, coordinators, and bartenders)

Before we begin, make sure to communicate with your planner, coordinator, photographer, bartender and anyone else who should know about difficult people you have at your wedding. We want to help you have the best day possible and we are in your corner to defend you against the emotional rollercoaster of an anxiety inducing family member or friend.

Set Boundaries

If this person, or people, are in your immediate family then make arrangements to not see them much before your ceremony. Get ready with your bridesmaids and let them know you’ll see them at the ceremony and do pictures with them after.

If this person is not immediate or is a family friend then don’t feel an obligation to have to spend time with them. Be clear with them and your vendor team about expectations. If that sounds scary or daunting to you then let your spouse help out with that conversation. This doesn’t have to all fall on your shoulders.

Have a signal with your maid of honor and coordinator

If you need an out in an awkward situation without having to call someone out then have a signal that your maid of honor, coordinator, photographer and whoever else you think would come to your side in this type of situation. It could be that you scratch your head, do a stretch, or something that would not seem obvious to the person who is causing you stress but your team will clearly know you need an out.

I have been in situations at weddings where I can tell the bride is wanting to get out of a conversation or situation but she doesn’t want to be rude. So, I have stepped in or have told the coordinator and we come over and say something like “Hey, I’m sorry I need to chat with the bride about something for a few minutes.” This creates a little diversion and allows the bride to step away without it being uncomfortable.

Create intentional time alone with your new spouse

One of the things I do with my couples is create a really well constructed timeline. In that timeline I also suggest that they have a couple of pockets during the way where they get to spend intentional time alone together. This could be during the first look, a few minutes before or after cocktail hour, or during their golden hour photos.

One of the reasons I like to do this is because it gives them time to be together AND time away from others. I know most people want to spend time with those they invited to their wedding but it can be really beneficial to have a couple of 5-10 minute breaks where you can reset and share time with the person you love most in the world.

Don’t give into any drama. Remove yourself and let your people handle it.

If you truly find yourself in a place with serious DRAMA remove yourself from the situation and let your people handle it. You can even prepare something you plan to say in advance in case this comes up. Something like “I’m sorry but I have to step away right now. Please talk to ___________ about this.” Then you can walk away, take a few deep breaths, and get back to the awesome day you wanted.

If you need a person to leave a place that you are in then get some muscle involved. Ask a couple of groomsmen to come in and remove the person from your space (this has never needed to happen at a wedding I have been a part of but it is always good to have a plan in place in case you do need it).

Remember the reason you’re there in the first place

Wedding days are stressful enough without stressful people piling it on! Things will probably not go exactly as you planned and little things here and there will be out of your control but try to bring yourself back to the whole reason you’re there in the first place.

Your wedding day is not about the flowers, food, place settings, cake, DJ, or anything other than you and your spouse and the love between the two of you. Keep your focus there and off the things that may go wrong or may divert your attention.

You got this. Go get freakin’ married!